realities vivid

2009-08-09T11:24:00.000+08:00

He has been my friend for over a year.
I guess yesterday he was too drunk or he actually meant what he said.

Well, i'm glad to have made a friend like you.
Thanks for all the wise words exchange.
Thanks for constantly checking up on me when i'm down.
Thanks for always giving a helping hand.
Thanks for everything Jayyy.
Hope you have a happy life ahead & find someone more worthy.
Sorry i couldn't be that special someone for you.

2009-08-08T13:17:00.000+08:00

" Letting go has never been easy.
I gotta take my mind off things.
Too many thoughts on my mind.
Just too many for me to handle. "

I need to getaway.
Take me away.
Far awayyyy.

2009-08-01T15:07:00.000+08:00

I miss you.

Find Time For Me, Will You?
Faster , Faster , Faster !
Gigit Die !
Bluek !

2009-07-28T18:59:00.000+08:00

I was hopelessly and helplessly in love with you.
I wanted to give you everything in the world.
I use to priortise you before my friends when i was younger, foolish and naive.
You meant the world to me, my everything and anything.
I wanted to love, care and caress you forever.
I wanted you to be mine forever.
I wanted the world to envy us.
I wanted us to be forever.
Till the hurricane come , took our love away and left mess behind.
Even since everything changed.
I use to enjoy being in your presence.
I had, always looked forward to meeting you and spending time with you.
I always enjoyed when you whispered sweet nothings into my ear.
Now, i feel like a total stranger whenever you're around me.
I feel like running away whenever you pull me in.
I had loved you like i never did love anyone else.
You were my all time favourite, my favourite past time and my most favourable deed.
You know you meant the world to me.
You know all to well.
You've always been there though i'd always say you hadn't.
You've always said you loved me though i'd said you didn't.
You've always forgave me for my wrongs though i'd say you haven't.

However,
I love how you take my hand, kisses it and promise to be mine forever.
I love it when you brush my hair, touches my flaws and still say i'm a beauty.
I love how you're brutally honest and still draws the line between being sincere and rude.
I love how you choose to share the pain and faithfully listens to my endless miserable anecdotes.
I love how i feel infinite with every little thing you do and boy, am i head over heels for you.
I love how the world stops spinning and slowly fades away leaving the sight of you and me.
I love the way how you make me feel important by showing the slightest dis-interest.

If you couldn't feel my love, atleast Now You Can See It !

I Love And Miss You, Muhd Farid.
And I'm Learning To Let Go ((:

2009-07-26T20:10:00.000+08:00

In that 51 months i spend with you, i can't think of anyone else i'd rather be with .

I miss you.
I love you.
I want you.
I need you.

I needed you more than ever.
I miss you terribly.
But that doesn't matter.

I hope you're doing fine.
Thanks for the memories my dear.

" i fucking love you and fucking miss you. Fucking muacks Babyyy ! "

Haha, i fucking love you too Farid. ):

2009-07-22T23:47:00.001+08:00

And here we go again right from the start.
Again with the accusations , lies , trust and etc.
Well, Fuck That Ok ?
Fuck It !

I Miss You Terribly Faham Tak?
Why make things seem as though they're fine when we both knw it isn't.
Why make it difficult for the both of us?
Why don't you just go, just die?

2009-07-21T22:52:00.004+08:00

Forgetting all I'm lacking , Completely incomplete, I'll take your invitation , You take all of me now , I'm falling more in love with you , Letting go all of all I've held onto , Standing here till you make me move , I'm hanging by a moment with you.

Stood Sandir Up On MSN, feeling terrible (!)
School's dreading.
Projects' killing me.
Pre-attachment a nightmare.
Attachment wouldn't be heaven.
Bursary is still on the way.
Sing 'Finally Here' by Flo rida once i get moneyyyy (!)
Exams around the corner
Knows nuts and shits bout it.
Farid's on my nerves.
Balrin's flirting with thoughts.

And i wanna bend it like Beckham (!)

2009-07-18T18:18:00.003+08:00

It's fading away, we're drifting apart.
He called last night and whisper sweet nothings into my ear.
I fell asleep and was awoken by his call.
"I'm losing you, i'm losing my will to live.I loved you with all my life and i would never ever do anything to hurt you again. I know i made promises i couldn't keep. But you know me too well to give me another 100 hundred chances to win you back. I love you Gucci, i really do."

He didn't give me a chance to say a thing, he just hung up, pack up and left. ):

I miss him.
I do.

2009-07-16T18:14:00.001+08:00

My condition is getting bad to worse.
It sucks !
Been sneezing the whole day, even under the hot sun ):
Miss Chan got some of us to put on masks so as to NOT spread the sickness that is already spreading among BM . ( woots )

Was doing project yesterday and Atiqah chatted with me (:
Had a nice chat and babe, update blog la. (: (:

And Farid is irritating or what ?!
He called me at 3am in the morning sia.
Like helloooooooooo babyyyyyyyyy, i'm sleeping laaaaaaa !
But in the end, i entertained him till 5 plus nearly 6.

Farid : Babyyy, i want 16 children when i marry you.

G U C C I : Huh? You crazy is it?

Farid : No, serious i want 16 kids. 8 girls 8 boys. If possible Twins Twins Twins.

G U C C I : You think i baby factory ehhh? Limit2 i give birth to twins, then find another 6 girls to give you the balance 14 kids. Can? Hahahah !

Farid : No ! Don't want. I want your baby and mine.

G U C C I : Alaaa. I don't want to marry you laaaa !

Farid : Hahaha.

G U C C I : Why you laugh? I'm serious tau. I taknak kahwin dgn you ! (I don't wanna marry you !)

Farid : Alaaa, kayla. Bye.

Hahahhahahaha ! You see that weirdo. Haven't finish NS and is already talking about babies.

Tak betol la tu anak (:

2009-07-13T17:11:00.001+08:00

I hate being sick.
It makes me feel so weak as though i'm living my final moments.
I couldn't feel my legs and i really needed the toliet badly, texted Dad and Mum.
Temperature was 39.6 and i felt very feverish, hands were getting numb, Dad got the heat pack and Mum massaged me,to let the blood flow.
Damn, i hate being sick. I have to rely on Dad and Mum. ):

Farid called just now to check up on me.
Thanks , i appreciate it.
He said he'll call back later on to check up on me again. (:

I've got projects to complete and i'm officially broke.
Wanna know why?
I'll tell you, i'm left with $14.68 in my account (:
Thumbs up Dok !

2009-07-10T21:33:00.002+08:00

School started this week and it's already hectic though school ends early on certain days.

Trainings are cancelled for the time being thanks to H1N1 thingy. ):

My tummy is so round that people actually think i'm pregnant.
WTF people.

Anywho, i love Micheal_Owen and Girlf !

2009-07-04T12:52:00.006+08:00

My whole life was based on comprises.
Scarifies i make to please others and you.
But all that is different now, isn't it.
I juggle between family,friends and you.
Yes, i have never made you my priority but i'd always have made you my first option.
Just because now you think i don't deserve you, you wanna pack up and leave.
On the other hand, i think it's you who don't deserve me.
You take things for granted than expect some miracle to happen to make things right.
All i asked from you is to be truthful and honest, now i just want you to rot in the freaking hospital.

Take care my friend.

2009-07-03T01:16:00.002+08:00

Do we live our lifes' just so we could/can/and please others?
If that is so, fuck you then.
I don't live in this god forsaken world just to be pissed and barked at by you.
You are not my King and certainly you do not know how to value what you have, it has been that way ever since i knew you.
It has been,have been and will be that way with you forever.
When you make promises, you actually have to stick to it. If you can't , don't fuckingly act fucking smart and fuckingly fucking make a promise with a smile.
Look, i'm even starting to talk like you.
Look at what you've done.
I hope you feel happy after accomplishing what you started 216 months ago (!)
Whatever you think makes you feel like you have terrorized my life just makes you even smaller in my eyes.
Just because i don't speak up doesn't mean you made me feel inferior.

I gotta take a breather.

2009-07-02T14:22:00.005+08:00

I'M CHATTING WITH DEAREST GIRLF MANPRITTTT & SANDIR , THE LONG LOST RELIGIOUS CLASS CLOWN , WHO'S IN ENGLAND NOW !
COOLIOS !

I MISS GFFs, BFFs.
I MISS BESTF(s).
I MISS FARID.
I MISS SCHOOL.

& THE WEATHER IS AWESOME [:
&& FLOORBALL TRAINING LATER OVER AT BB.
&&& I'VE YET TO DO ANY RESEARCH FOR PROJECTS :S
&&&& I THINK MY BROTHER HAS A NEW GIRLF I SHOULD BE HATING ON , HEHE.

THAT'S COOL SHITT YAWWWW !

2009-07-01T08:21:00.002+08:00

Farid has been calling me since 4.58am , i rejected his calls.
He texted asking why i'm rejecting his calls.
I didn't reply. Tried to get back to sleep but he kept on calling and sms-ing !

Farid : Asl tak jawab b?
Farid : U...
Farid : B.. Kalau u syg i,u reply msg i.
G U C C I : Ape la? Nak tido pon tkle pe!
Farid : Sori.
G U C C I : Tak gune kou ckp sorry. I can't sleep alrdy. Ape kou nak?
Farid : Tkde, saje je. Tgh rindu.
G U C C I : Tkyah nak rindu org lagy la. Tkyah waste ppd nak call2,msg2 lagy. Tkyah nak sygkan org lagy la.
Farid : Yelah. I tau, salah i.
G U C C I : Its not about being wrong ok asshole. You promised !
Farid : Tau, tapi i tak sejaje seh. Yelah, i kan pantat.
G U C C I : Eee ! Aku binget sak dgn kou !
Farid : Ye, i tau la syg.
G U C C I : Whtever la shit .
Farid : B.. I love you ! Muackz!
G U C C I : Uhh,k.
Farid : I miss you seh :-(
G U C C I : So?
Farid : Say that u miss me too lah.
G U C C I : I don't !
Farid : Rabak pe u? Yelah2. Bye.
G U C C I : Pape la sial ! Bye!
Farid : Kalau ade pape u msg i je tau. Syg sgt dgn u. Muackz!
G U C C I: Uhh . Aku tknk waste bill aku msg dgn kou k. Kou take care.
Farid : Rabak sak u.
G U C C I : :P
Farid : I know deep down you still love me. I dont know why you are doing this. But i love you ok. I promise to be there for you forever.
G U C C I : Don't make promises you can't keep la. You can't be there for me forever. Who are you trying to kid? Ina ehh? I'm not dumb like her k. Kou nak sgt kan bbl psl die. Gy msg lagy die la. Make sure this time kou tak salah antar !
Farid : B.. I'm sorry. :-( Jgn tinggalkn i please. I merayu seh u.
G U C C I : Pape la sial! Bye!

Yes, i am ungrateful.
Sue me la.

Anyws, yesterday's friendly against TP was fun but exhausting.

2009-06-29T23:26:00.003+08:00

I never needed you to be strong.
I never needed you for pointing out my wrongs.
I never needed pain.
I never needed strain.
My love for you was strong enough you should have known.
I never needed you for judgements.
I never needed you to question what i spend.
I never ask for help,
I take care of myself.
I don't know why you think you gotta hold on me.
And its alittle late for conversations,
There isn't anything for you to say.
And my eyes hurt,
Hand shiver.
So look at me and listen to me.
Because,
I don't want to stay another mintue.
I don't want you to say a single word.
There's no other way, i get the final say.
Because,
I don't want to do this any longer.
I don't want you,
There's nothing left to say.
I've already spoken.
I never needed your corrections.
I never needed words.
I never needed hurt.
I never needed you to be there everyday.
I'm sorry for the way i let go,
of everything i won't need when you came alone.
But i'm never beaten, broken or defeated.
I know next to you is not where i belong.
And it's alittle late for explainations.
There isn't anything you can do.
There's nothing left to say.
No more words.
No more lies.
No more crying.
No more pain.
No more hurt.
No more trying.
Baby,
Hush Hush Hush Hush.

A Little Tribute

2009-06-29T09:00:00.002+08:00

Things has been a little shaky and a whole lot rockier, but it's all settling down now.

I was reading all my past posts and some of my friends past posts too. We all have been through shit many times and emerge as winners in our own eyes.
Still knowing that more shit is gonna happen, we stand by one another with strength and courage and most importantly , Love.

I was reading iLa's old blog and found it very interesting.
She has gone through more shitty stuff than i have and she's smiling even though it hurts.
She's small in size but her heart is the biggest.
The problems laid down infront of her and she got through it, even i was part of her problems.
And, i'm sorry for being an ass,then, or even now and in the future. (:
I Know She's The Best Damn Thing That Anyone Would Die For. I Love You Bebehhh.

Then there's Eza, who has been through more then i have. With Family, Friends, "Friends" , Ex-es & more.
She pulled through, she had BabyGirls standing by her, Boyfriends & GirlFriends standing by, catching her everytime she falls, catching every tear she cried.
Always sheltering her and showering her with love and strength.
This Gf of mine, is very Kecoh. She's kecoh because rather make others smile than to be sad. She's strong and always says she's a bitch, but she know deep down inside she's just being herself. Sometimes, i miss the Kecoh-ness around me. She checks up on us all like our Moms, maybe more than our Moms would probably do, she'll do.I Know That She Knows That I'm Gna Stand By Her Though I May Not Be Physically There. I Love You Bebehhh !

Then there is Farid, My-Not-So-Innocent-Irritating Ex/Boyf. He has changed my life. He made me see things from a different propective.
He has made me cry, smile, fall first face on the ground countless times and still never fails to love me. How he does it? I don't know. I just wish i could be a little more patient with him. I wish i could take a look in his heart, hear his thoughts, listen to him speak, hear his heartbeat, watch his every move and inhale his sweet scent. I sound like a freaking stalker sia, haha ! But i can only be wishing on it. I have read him countless times as a book and he is my favourite character, full of surprises, bold, independent , strong , open-minded and full of love. I just hope, he'll remain the same as he was before he entered NS and come back to me as that same person, which i know is truly impossible. But nevertheless, i still love him.

I guess i just wanna say thanks to those who stood by me during my toughest time and those whose simple "Hi's" and "Bye's" made my days (:
I may not remember all your names but i shall start by saying thanks to :

Dad,Kakak,Nenek,Adek(s), Jack(!),Auntie(s) , Uncle(s), Couzin(s),Sadik(!),Ruzanna(!),Kama,Aiyeesha,iLa,Eza,Ruby,Aini,Boncet,Hany,Lin,Fadly,Syerzan,Zulraidi,Ayeesha,Nisha,Kinkin(!),Neb,Weena,Yat,Meen,Mayferlin,Aby,Chika,Anak Rosdi,Feeq,Ah Qi, Amin,Aidil,Jalal,Jamal,Zulfadli,Shahrul,FarahNysa,Sheril,Ihsan,Fatimah,Gigi,Hafiz GG,Apit,Rifaii (!), Weena,Fathiah,Seri,'Aini, ShaCino,Dee,Azyy,Ayuu,Lina(s),Balrin,Harvin(s), Jess('es), Bel,Balraj,Reena,Harven,Jovi(!), Manpritt(!) ,Gurvin, Jaswin,Dalwin,Sheril Nadia,Ash,Gil,Danial,Fad,Kimmy,Kim and many more. Thanks a million.

2009-06-26T15:17:00.001+08:00

If just by indulging in chocolates would make me feel at ease for a second,
I'll drown myself in it to be at ease forever.

I need a new job, period.
Any vacancy?
Recommendations?

Lastly, May my all time favourite , Michael Jackson , rest in peace.
God bless his soul.

2009-06-25T09:09:00.003+08:00

Dear God,
Please Give Farid The Strenght And Courage He Needs To Get Through This.
Please Forgive Him For All He Said And Done.
You Know He Doesn't Mean It.
He Is In Pain And Is Unwell.
He Is Weak And Needs Strenght.
He Is Afraid And Needs Courage.
He Is Terrified And Needs Your Guidence.
Have Mercy and Show Him The Right Way.
Shower Him With All Of Your Love,Please.
I Know You Love And Handle Every Little Creation Of Yours With Extra Care Because They have The Tendency To Break.
He Is Breaking, Hear His Plead
I Need You,Please.

2009-06-21T19:22:00.003+08:00

Paranoid.
He is Paranoid !
I'm Paranoid !
We are both Paranoid !
Everyone else is getting Paranoid too !

Immune
I think he is immune to my talks.
My vulgarity.
My behaviour
My ignorance.
My aggressiveness.
I say stay away from me
& he says " Baby, Dont Leave Me"
I say Fuck you
& he says " I Love You"
Asshole (!)

Obsessed.
He is obsessed !

Over protective.
He is over-protective.

Meetings.
We met.
We sorted things out.
We cried.
We laughed.
I think he is getting sexier (!)
We hugged.
We said Goodbye.

Booked in.
He is booking in back soon.
He called to say " Baby, i love you"

Again, Asshole (!)

2009-06-18T20:27:00.002+08:00

" Baby, i miss you. I need you. I really really need you now, with me, this very moment. I feel so lonely without you. Please baby! Meet me tomorrow please! I merayu seh u. Please! Please! I want to hold you, kiss you, hug you & sing to you. Baby please! If you ever loved me for a second in your life you'll meet me tomorrow. Baby please, i don't wanna book-in without meeting you. I beg you please! "

I don't know what to do!
Why me?

2009-06-13T02:32:00.002+08:00

He's gone.
He will no longer be there for me.
He will no longer say "Bucuk ! I love you."
He will no longer say " U.. I nak.... Kiss ! :) "
He will no longer sweet talk me.
He will no longer hug me.
He will no longer kiss me.
He will no longer hold me tight.
He will no longer sing me to sleep.
He will no longer let me feel the warmth of his body against mine.
He will no longer call.
He will no longer message.
He will no longer be there when i need him.

I made a decision today, and i shall be strong.
I shall not be brought down by this. I'm a strong girl, he says.
I guess i was,when i had him by my side all the time

He begged and pleaded.
I heard him cry.
I heard him say,No.
I heard him say,Please.
I heard him say,i love you.
I heard him say,Baby , don't leave.
I heard him say, Baby , let's work things out.
I heard him say so many things.

His last words to me was " Out of all my ex, you're the one i really loved and cared for with all my heart. Thanks for loving me for the 4 years plus and thank you so much for being a wonderful girlfriend. I love you. And you take care ok. Just forget me and don't acknowledge my presence if you ever see me."

What have i done?
I know deep down inside i want him to stay.
But, i gotta let him go.
It hurts like hell.
It really does.
But still, i think its better for him..
He deserves better, he really does.

2009-06-12T22:43:00.000+08:00

Yes, i am down.
The trust and faith is no longer there.
He no longer trusts me.
Thanks ehh !
Since He entered NS , not only has His attitude and thinking change, but also His love for me has subside.
Thanks ehh you, thanks !

When i say i'm slacking with my friends, why can't you just trust me? Even when i told you Amirul fetched me yesterday and we slacked together with Jalal and Zanna, i could hear in your voice that you didn't trust me.

Whatever ok.
Be grateful i'm still SINCERE and not two-timing you, even then , if i were to tell you this you wouldn't believe me.

Fuck you shithead !

I Think I Love My Boyfriend !
I Think !

2009-06-11T09:29:00.002+08:00

Muhd Farid Bin Shahmawi is in camp !

It's really hard to get through him, there's NO freaking reception and he's handphone is always off [:

On a lighter note, exams are over, finally [:
And i finally met up with Muhd Sadik Rahman after alooooooong time [:
We played UNO at Mac while waiting for Zurraini's call. [:

And also, i made a new friend, Amirullllllll !
Haha, thanks uh you for sleeping on me [:

That pretty much sums everything up.

2009-06-07T23:56:00.002+08:00

Why Hello There Little Earthlings. Haha.

I'm Skipping School Today Because I Wanna Spend Some Time With Boyf Before He Leaves Me Tomorrow. Don't worry, I'm Getting An MC Cause I Do Have Flu And It Isn't That Bad (:

I Gotta Find Someone To Replace My Days/Hours With Boyf. I'm Sucha Bore , Aren't I? (:

Anyways, Since Tomorrow Will Be The Last Day I'm Ever Going To Spend With Boyf, I Shall Not Bore Him With My Problems And Not Shed A Tear. Ala, NS Only What.. (:

I Love You, Muhd Farid Bin Shahmawi .

2009-06-07T14:28:00.002+08:00

1. A Friend.
2. A Problem.
3. A Reminder.

1 . A friend felt his birthday held no importance to his classmates. He got birthday wishes from his other friends and none from his classmates. Classmates made plans to celebrate at a club, but he had other plans. I don't even know why no body initiated to sing a song when we all knew it was his big day. Maybe everyone was caught up in studying for the exams that it slipped their mind. I can't help but feel sorry and wonder if had a wonderful birthday. All i know is , he was the one who made everyone smiled with his facial expressions and sarcasm. His favourite tag line " bodoh per kou." Favourite drink, pepsi twist. Maybe we should have done something to make him feel special on his day. We're sorry for not putting in more effort. Its better late than never, Happy Birthday Muhd Zulraidi Iskandar the Rudy, Matrep and my friend.

2 . You couldn't even tell if i was doing fine or not. You told me to call and i did, you said you wanted to sleep and i hung up. I understood that you were exhausted and tired because you were out the whole day with your friend. However, i atleast expected you to be there for me. But you were never there. All you do is take and take and never give anything in return. Even if you did, it will just be words of criticism and sarcasm. And if i ever did that you, you'd probably leave bruises on my arms and legs. I remember once i said i was your punching bag out of anger, all you did was nodded away,turned and hit me in the back. All i did was recompose myself and let you take me down, bit by bit .I have never feel so inferior to anyone but you, you make me feel so worthless and unforgiving that i blamed myself for everything. Everything.

3 . A reminder , floorball training as per usual on Monday. Please tell your mates if you happen to read this. And those going for Blaze Camp , please complete the survey thing and get Jamie to do the PSEA thingy.

It is just a moment of despair. I needed to clear my mind, and now, i need to recompose myself. (:

2009-06-04T22:19:00.001+08:00

I'm going to miss Boyf so much once he leaves for Camp on Tuesday.
I got so pissed with him today and told him " Asl kou tak nak contact aku lepas NS siol! Asl kou contact aku skrg! Aku binget kou tau tak! Aku nak rembat kou pon ade!"
Haha! I was so so angry, and Boyf reaction was " Aku tau kou tgh mood swing. Nak bubble tea tak?"
Haha, you see la my Boyf doesn't have feelings. He's inhuman. (:

I miss my Bestfriends too!
Ohh, i just hung up the phone after talking to Sadik. I really really really want to meet Rubbbyyyyyy and Balrin!

Please...

And i agree with iLa Bebeh recent post! Lol!

2009-05-31T14:14:00.002+08:00

Thank you lovelies for the wishes through smses, calls and verbally. Thank you all who remembered, and thanks to those who made it wonderful and memorable at times.
Thank you Boyf for calling me non-stop at 12.
Thank you for singing my favourite songs.
Thank you all for everything.
I love you guys to tiny weeny bit.

2009-05-27T22:39:00.000+08:00

" In the next couple of mintues, im'ma be your Boyfriend (: "

1) The whole of today Zul went " ehh, bodoh pe kou? ehh, bodoh pe kou? "
Da tak betul tu budak,haha!

2) And i critized a girl bout her hair, face to face. (:

3) Today marks our 49th monthsary (: (:

4) Its my so-called "Boyf" 19th Birthday (:

5) I'm having this terrible terrible headache.

6) I woke up this morning and was so super duper rimas with my hair, i got it trimmed/cut/layered. (:

7) I'm meeting Rubyyy darling after a verrrryyyyyyyy looooonnnnnggg time tomorrow.

8) Birthday is in 3 days (:

9) Boyf is going NS on 9 June. ):

10) I miss Boyf so much now !

2009-05-25T12:39:00.004+08:00

Boyf : "I rase kan, macam this whole week i tak nak jumpe u gitu seh."
M : "Tak nak jumpe? Knape"
Boyf : "I pon tak tau lah u. Tibe2 je i rase gitu"
M : "Pape la.. When you need me, you let me know."

That was our morning "Greetings" and he hasn't texted me since.
Thanks eh. After that, it felt like i was a toy you were toying around with.
Well, that's just how i feel.
Sometimes, when you're down or mad, you don't tell.
If you don't speak to me, how am i to understand you better?
I love you and you know that.
I just want a better understanding between us,ok.

I'm fine with us not meeting up, bear in mind, you're going NS soon. This week and next week will most likely be the last time we spend together. Otherwise, forget it. Don't bother messaging and telling me you miss me , ok Dok? And, don't worry , I'll do just fine without you , my dear. [:

Yes, i miss Boyf.
I miss his hugs.
I miss his laughter.
I miss staring at him.
I miss making faces.
I miss his touch.
I miss the warmth of his body against mine.
I miss the way he holds me tight.
I miss every teeny wee bit about that guy [:

2009-05-22T20:39:00.003+08:00

I think i love Boyf too much that i am obessed to keeping him all to myself. Haha!

Prolly, the only thing that brings me down is having to think about the intimate relationship with his ex-girlf. No, i am not jealous, i've said that like 98564348721569 times. Just the thought of it is more than enough for me to indulge in 3 tubs of Ben and Jerry's ice-cream.
I was going through my contacts on MSN and i saw Boyf's old hotmail, and the nick was Faridina. My heart burst into fire.
Why?
Basically, i ask myself the same qeustion everynight and the only answer i get from myself is, " That intimacy is too much for one too take, especially if the ex is being too nice"
Then i read posts like " Why does the one i love,always leave me. I just hope she'll come back into my arms"
Then another " i'll be that one perfect guy for you my dear. Hope you'll like it" .

Knowing that he was referring to his ex and that there were more, i got the urge to question him what the posts where all about.

Then i read even more, the ones he post after we got back together.
I need you like i never needed anyone before" and the last one he posted was I've got another chance to love her again"

I just don't understand how he could bury me as his past and dig me up as his present and future.

2009-05-21T08:11:00.003+08:00

"I lost the only girl who knows me best"

I am tired.

I am stress, no wait, i am OVER stress.

I am feeling pain in places i have never felt pain.

I need to get my ass a job.

I need money.

I need money!

2009-05-18T22:47:00.004+08:00

I was send home earlier today because i wasn't in proper school attire. I wore my p.e tee instead of my white blouse and ite white blouse. .___.
It's not like i proposely wanna wear my p.e tee sey. I wore it because i still have yet to wish all the white clothes at home, even my younger brother went to school in p.e attire (:
Haha,don't worry, i've already washed and hang my uniforms for dry. *winks*
Since i was send home early, i called Boyf and went to his place. I managed to get some sleep without being disturbed and woke up to send Boyf to work and myself, to school.
Had floorball training which was getting more and more boring, but you can't blame anyone can you? Dee and Azy weren't around and i was left in charge, i had to re-do the attendence list again because i missed out some names. (:
And, now i'm pretty much shagged, and i gotta start working back! I want money la deyyy!

2009-05-11T22:46:00.001+08:00

"There's something about you Baby, that makes me wanna give it to you "

I have this feeling.
This gut feeling that something wrong is going to happen, i don't know what it is and i can't do a shit to stop it from happening.
Oh God, let me have a sneak peek into the future so i won't lost my mind before the sun rises.

2009-05-08T17:42:00.002+08:00

A very rough going Boyf; mentally and physically.
A Dad who knows who his daughter is dating.

The above mentioned will be the topic for today.

Firstly, i fought with Boyf again, but this time round things got wayyyyy out of hand that i had to literally run away from it. I ran because i was a coward, yes i am. I returned everything Boyf just now and hugged him for the last time. I needed space and sometime alone to do some self-reflecting. For the mean time Boyf isn't my priority now.

Secondly, Dad know about Boyf and me "Hurray." He made me promise him that i would never date anyone who isn't Punjabi. Mind you , he's not racist and neither am i. I had an uneventful talk with Dad and afterwhich he take me for a ride to "release" stress.

Thirdly, what was i to do? I had to choose between 2 people i love and admire most. I, by choice , chose Dad over Boyf. I have yet to tell Boyf what has happened. But i'd rather take it slow and let him know when we meet up again.

Forthly, the weather sucks to the core man (:

And Fifthly, Its either i private my blog or change link cause "Somebody" has been checking up on me and is trying to crack my password. No privacy uh!

2009-05-04T00:47:00.004+08:00

" Eh budak kecik yang comel"
Haha, that's what Boyf just now. Budak kecik yang comel ape?? (:

Haha, school starts in , like what, 9 hours time and i'm still awake? Its freaking hot and i've showered like 3 times in the past 6 hours.
Hygenic freak. Haha.
Boyf wants to watch " Jangan Tegur" this Thrusday. Yea, orang tu da gaji pe. (: bole gy shopping, haha. Besides, he is off for 3 days starting on Wednesday. And also, he has to learn how to save money and that it doesn't drop from the sky.
And also, ever since he started working at Ikea, he flirts more than he use to. Weirdo.

I love Muhd Farid B Shahmawi alot alot alot.

2009-05-02T22:56:00.004+08:00

" You taught me how to hate you when i was so in love. You're getting so obessive. I have no time for you. Just before i go, this is how it feels. You wanted me to stay quiet and give you the right to fuck up my whole life then walk away?"

I feel like i've been pulled into a whirlpool of emotions. Lost and insecure.
I thought i saw Atok in the bus earlier on the day, and was practically smiling at the guy whom i mistaken to be Atok.
After awhile my senses kicked in and i was left wondering on my own, telling myself that Atok no longer exists.
I walked past the blocks and a strong gast of wind blew, i looked to the side and remember there was once a time when Atok was alive he shouted from the balcony " Eh, cucu favourite atok da balek."
Oh god, i miss him so much, so much that i'd ask for magical powers to bring him back into our lives. His departure has left a huge impact in our hearts. And it has been almost 2 years since he left and Nenek has lost alot of weight, sold their apartment cause she is constantly reminded of Atok but refuses to admit and says the apartment is just too big for one person. Busu almost got divorce.
Now, i know i haven't been visiting but i am missing alot on personal family matters.
And i have been seeing a counsellor in school ok, so i'm coping just fine, thank you.

However on a lighter note, "Keys from Brazil" is celebrating her 18th birthday over at St James tonight. Well, like i said party hard and play safe. Happy 18th birthday GF.

And i remember the other day when Mr Z was reprimanding some of us due to poor attendence, he said some of us should set a good example for others to follow, especially the youngest one. And i thought he was referring to Maggi so i just sat there, looked towards Maggi,as her before was around the corner at that point of time, and smiled then look at Mr Z only to my dismay he was referring to me and not Maggie. Haha. I still have a loooooong way to go before i'm legally legal. (:

I need boyf now more than ever and he isn't physically here nor mentally. Was i rushing? Or was the timing all wrong?
Someone dear said " Y'knw i have never trusted him. Not even in secondary school. Guys are just sweet talkers mother fuckers, take it from me."
Damn, its true ok. If it was for somethings, i would still have my love.

2009-04-30T09:26:00.002+08:00

Meet Bestf on the 28th for Lunch. Suppose to head down to Haji lane but thanks to the awesome rain , we didnt get to jalan-jalan. Met up with MeenyMiny and did some awesome gossiping and catching up. [:

After which met Farid at his place. Sumpah aku penat because Sadik made me walk alooootttt!

And And And And And, i love my bestfriend Sadik Rahman !

Haha, note it eh Sadik. I typed out your name the way you wanted me too. Haha !

2009-04-27T13:00:00.003+08:00

Today would have marked our 48th monthsary if things had worked out the way we planned. The 10 months he spend with some other girl , really hasn't got out of mind.
I am constantly reminded of his past, everyday, every hour, every mintue, every second , infact even now.
Just the thought of it makes the flesh under my skin crawl. But, who was i to blame? Myself? Him? Or even the ex?
Well, i've been trying to let it go, every moment of it. But, it somehow got to attached to me , that i can't let it go even if i really really want too.

Any hoots!
I really need to save money, i've gotta reach my goal !
Haha, i owe people money by the way. [:
And people owe me money too !
And i overheard a conversation between Bestf and Girlf about paying up some shit, and the one of them said
" You got money to buy bag, new handphone, buy presents for Girlf , buy clothes for your "Brothers". No money to pay back uhhh!!! Small cock/pussy. Shithead ! Fuckface and etc..."
Haha ! You can only imagine the words they come up with.

Pathetic megamoron oxysorelosers [:

2009-04-24T23:04:00.003+08:00

"They don't know how long it takes waiting for love like this. Everytime we say goodbye, i wish we'd have one more kiss.."

"Don't ever say that in our relationship. If i really don't care for you, why must i seek and plead for you and your love? You see, our relationship is not meant to be broken up easily. Somethings might be simple as ABC but not our relationship. If you were to say i don't care for you, then it'll be stupid of me to say that i'll promise to love and take good of you. As you know, after you, there's no one else. For that, as i'm still with you, i'll give you everything you want and not to hurt you like what i did in the last past years." - The Boyfriend, Muhd Farid B Shahmawi.

Someone said let him go, as he isn't worth it. I wonder who gave that someone to judge someone i've known for years, just like that. When i told Farid about what that someone said, his reply was " It's all up to you now tau". And that reply sorta pissed me off and i replied " Thanks for "caring" eh!" and the above, was his reply. Who knew he would keep to his promises. When we spend time together we barely fight, but the moment i'm at home , we'll be fighting like cats and dogs through smses. (:

2009-04-19T23:49:00.006+08:00

(Green and Red Wristband for Bahngra Night (: )
I'm exhausted. Ask me why, quick! Haha.
Daddy has been in a party mood lately, he was super duper happy like he just eaten a happy meal. Haha,tipu uh. No, but he was really in a good mood that he ask if Bro and i would wanna tag along for bhangra night at SKA. And, we went ! Shocking (:
Somehow, i manage to psycho Girlf into going too, with her Dad of course.
I met people whom i haven't met like 69875264 years.
There was a fight. But who cares?
Saw ex-boyf who claims to have a girlf, that i think is non-existent btw, like 9808763412354 times, and he kept on calling and messaging Girlf , telling her about his non-existent girlf.
Pathetic oxymoron.
Left SKA around , i-can't-remember-what-time. And now, i shall go and shower and sleep, before that i gotta pray i can wake up tomorrow.
And my legs are killing me,i swear.

P/S:I miss Farid la and Farid doesn't like the idea of me "clubbing" but wants to go DBLO when i'm 18. Walau.

2009-04-18T12:56:00.003+08:00

Because of my tight schedule, i won't be updating much [:

However, i miss the hours i spent with Farid yesterday.

And i miss the sweet smell of his perfume lingering all around me.

And also, the warmth of his body against mine.

Rindu.Rindu.Rindu.Rindu.

Sigh.

2009-04-11T23:45:00.001+08:00

"Answer the phone. I know that you're home. I wanna get you alone. And do it again"

However, that just sounds wrong (: Lol.
Well, i'm down with flu again. School is just round the corner and i'm already sick. Wow. So wonderful. NOT.
I'm still awake cause Farid wants me to accompany him till wee hours of the morning, cause i ditched him the last 2 days (:
You can't blame me, i did household chores ok.
Oh God, everytime i think of school , i have this feeling of being sucked in a big black hole. Don't ask me why. Maybe , i not looking forward to school, just as yet. Maybe , its the new modules? Or the timetable? Or just me (:
Oh wells. Who gives a shit.

I'm missing Bestfriends.
I'm missing GFF's.
I'm missing BFF's.

2009-04-09T21:57:00.002+08:00

" And i will always love you "

SLSS Annual Sports Meet was today. Headed down to the Stadium with Zanna,saw Shorty at the interchange. When we arrived the whole bunch of boys,together with Bro, were outside polluting the air like nobodys' business. After which i saw many many people whom i have not met for ages. Like Ah qi, Dayatttt! , Rafiq, Bitmon!, Shahrizal(Jacko wacko) and the teachers.
The guys wanted to see Farid so badly, since it has been months they all met,that they made me do their dirty work for them,like getting me to force him to get his arse in the stadium. In the end, he came together with Hasif. Someone played the song Still Loving You by Scorpion and Farid get irritated and said " I sang this song for the love of my life, who ended sleeping on me and didnt hear me sing. Sakit hati or what? I hate this song sia" Lol. He wanted to announce to the whole school, ok. But you can't blame me, everytime he sings a song for me, i'll end up sleeping as though he sang a lullaby (:
And i swear, Suria's younger brother is so adorable. We stayed until the whole event ended and dearest Farid left without saying goodbye (:
Bro went home to get the helmet and we headed down to Aljunied then back to Woodlands to slack somewhere near Dan's house with Dan,himself, Zul, Zanna,Fareed,Aidil,Hakim.
I finally got to see Irfan after 123598765432598643 months of not meeting. (: He slacked with us while waiting for Shorty and Bitmon as they were getting their hair done.
Had a small arguement with Farid through sms about something called Gratitude,and it ended with "Fuck off ah". * totally not expected*
Then, Dan got all stressed out because his mom called and told him that he's going to serve NS under CDF in July. Lol. You can just imagine how frustrated he was.
Then we headed off to slack under a block cause Zul was complaining about how hot it was and shit. Around 5plus i made my way back to the stadium to watch younger sissie run and finally reached home at 7plus. Boy, was it good to be home (:

My post for today has been summarised because i'm so super duper lazy to blog in details, because i was up the previous night texting Farid and only had 4hours to sleep and was awaken by Zanna.

2009-04-08T23:27:00.003+08:00

06 April 2009
Friendship Outlast Romance .

I'm in shock. My phone bill went sky high like a rocket going outerspace with astronauts doing little experiments. *exaggerating much* Ok, my bill hit the $100 line for the first time in my life. It has never shot over 80bucks before. I freaking can't figure out why its so high and touching the stars. My bill hasn't been send yet, i found out through sms. Ohh,God. What would Daddy do if he found out? Ohh, you guys would go, " Its just a hundred. Chill uh" Chill uh my arse. Its $150 excluding the previous month outstanding. Total shitness , i shittly swear. Stupid fcuking shithead la! Walauwey.

On a lighter note, i went over to Vivo with Farid,Zanna and Shifah. Headed to Carl's Jr to get my shoes (: Everything was fine. Until Mira told me how my decision of leaving work affected someone. God,save me. I'm lost. Afterwhich, i went home with Farid as Zanna and Shifah was going to start work. Farid reminded me that 14th this month would mark our 1st monthsary. "Ala, baru 1month :p " It totally slipped my mind, then he said with a lower tone that the 27th would have been our 48th month anniversary, if we hadn't split. Can you just imagine 4years of being together? What surprises me more,is the fact that he rememberd all this. (: Ohh,wells. I leave it all to God to show me the right way.

2009-04-07T00:12:00.005+08:00

Hasif , Banana , Myself and Boyf w PSP.

I love These 3 People.
Muhd Sadik Bin Abdul Rahman Bin Karim (:
Ruzanna Maskuri (:
And, Muhd Farid Bin Shahmawi.

The day started out fine, just wonderful. Met Sadik at Woodlands MRT station, smoked and then headed towards Bazaar . Sadik became a monster hunting for food.
Headed towards Yfa stall while waiting for Zanna to arrive. Chit-chatted with her and soon Zanna also arrived. Hanged around Yfa's stall before heading off to meet Boyf at BNS. We saw Yameen and Maylin (: Sumpah aku rindu dorg . Okay, after saying our goodbyes, we headed to Civic cause i wanted to go to the library and borrow books. Sadik went nuts in the library,ok. Afterwhich we headed towards Woodland Mart to get Zanna's pants altered. Then we headed towards Circle Green to slack, Boyf went to pick Hasif from i dont know where. I saw Kamarul. (: So we just slacked there for awhile then i headed home together with Boyf and Hasif. I fell asleep till the evening and Boyf has been calling and messaging (: Trying to wake me up.

Not only that, Jaswin called. That guy is indirectly my Boyf *inside joke*. He is in camp and had one hour to spare and decided to call. (: was on the phone with him till Prem called. It has been looonngggg since we last spoke and i miss the hugs i would get from him and The rest which included Nirah and Cha. We talked for about 45 mintues or so. Then i had to call Jaswin back cause i ditched him for Prem (: Then he had to make some urgent call to, i-don't-wanna-know-who. So, we hung up and i called Boyf who now falling asleep on the phone (:

2009-04-06T02:35:00.000+08:00

" These five words i swear to you. I'll be there for you. "

I ate half a packet of my favourite Loacker's biscuit, 3/4 of Blackforest Calbury Bar, drank 1/3 of Sunkist Orange Juice, while watching Russell Peters on YouTube (: Ok, i'm freaking fat and die with freaking diabetes la.And while watching his videos, it sort of brought me back to secondary school.
When Gareth would be at the bck of the class with his freaking PSP watching this comedy with Zanna nd myself, afterwhich he'll be imitating Russell's,"Be a man" act with Irfan.

Ohh boy, i miss those times a whole load.

Basically, i can't get myself to fall asleep cause i'm missing boyf so much.I should really meet him this wednesday before school re-opens and before he goes all nuts.
Today must have been the shortest time we spoke on the phone.Well,i understand,he has work and he's pretty tired after w out at the gym. And he has a busy schdule.

2009-04-05T12:59:00.003+08:00

" You said you loved me. Everything that mattered, matter no more. "

I miss Boyfriend.
I miss Boyfriend.
I miss Boyfriend.
I miss Boyfriend.
I miss Boyfriend.

Ohh, i passed my exams (:
I was preparing myself for my Banking Products results.
I was so dead sure i would fail, but Thank God, i got a C.
Which is so much better than failing.
But my GPA result still suckc!

2009-04-04T00:41:00.002+08:00

" It dont' really matter what you think of me. Fuck you baby. That's right. "

Can i stab his heart with a knife and leave him to bleed out?

Why so much cruelity or hate, you may ask.
It's because my heart of stone is filled with rage. I feel like going on a killing spree (figurative speech, dok) .
I'm just so angry.
So frustrated.
So pissed off.
So annoyed.
So ignorant.
So timid.
So unadmirable.
So aggresive.
So typical.
So amature.
I paid a price when i said " i love you ". A hefty price,ok.

2009-04-02T23:10:00.002+08:00

It's Abang's 19th Birthday today.
So, Happy Birthday Md Irfan B Rosdi.
If you just switch the places of the numbers, it would be 91. Tua nye abang aku ni (:
And also, Abang called when he was at Vivo , and wanted to meet up. Sadly, i wasn't working. But he took the initiative to call. Surprised la.

Not only that, today was my class BBQ over at Mr. Z's place and i didn't go because i didn't wanna spread the not-so-contigious-virus

And i miss boyf alot. (:

.

2009-04-01T00:16:00.003+08:00

Happy 18th Birthday Ahmad Rifai !

Chey chey, da legal eh orang tu :p
I hope you'll enjoy your day with lots of love from family , friends and your loved one, Jane (:
Dok, we seriously gotta meet up.
For updates and gossips ok. Like serious shit la.
Many many things to talk about, i think. LMAO.
Happy Birthday Once Again (:

2009-03-31T04:18:00.003+08:00

" Am i what you need. I'm using you. And you're using me. Coming to terms. "

I Miss Muhamad Farid Bin Shahmawi, The Boyfriend , A Whole Truck Loooooooots.
It's Been Almost A Week Since We Met.
["Just wait till he goes NS uh, Gucci. LMAO! "]

Yes, We Call One Another And Texted Too.
But, Is It Ever Enough?

2009-03-30T01:01:00.002+08:00

" Your the part of me, i wished i'd never seen. Forget it. "

He is having moodswings. And begining to be impatient with him.
Its not that i'm not undertsanding or shit. Its just that , my feelings are begining to grow into something i don't want it to be.
I tried reasoning with myself. Wondering if its me or is it Him. There's nothing i can do if he doesn't talk. I keep telling myself not to give in or run away. I brace myself everytime when we talk on the phone. Cause he constantly mentions about his ex girlf. Not that i'm jealous or some shit. There's more to it. I don't know what else to say or do anymore.
I've given up yet again. Sometimes i wonder if he is ever listening.

2009-03-26T13:32:00.002+08:00

"My hear will always be with you "

A meaningful sentence while chatting with iLa.Bebeh about relationships.
Boy, i miss my Gffs so much (:

"love means having trust, responsibilties and to fight for what you both believe in.
if you do truly love him
fight for him n with him
never give up"

2009-03-24T00:40:00.002+08:00

His messages got me going through the days smoothly.

" Wajahmu,amat bermakna bagiku. Wajahmu membuat hatiku berasa lena dgn senyuman dan tawa mesramu. Walau pun wajahmu tidak secantik mana, aku akan menyintaimu dgn sepenuh hati yang ikhlas. Hatimu itu amat ku hargai kerana hatimu sangat2 mulia. Setelah lama kita tidak berjumpa,kau masih mengatakan yang kau rindu padaku. Kerana hatimu yg mulia, aku berjanji bahawa aku akan menjagamu dgn baik. Aku tidak akan menyakit hatimu seperti yang telah aku lakukan padamu dulu. Sayang.. Aku akan menyintaimu dgn seikhlas hatiku. "

When he called just to say "I love you baby".

" For me, i know what i'm doing. I got not much to say. The only thing that i can say is that i really really miss and love you , my dear. What i know is that i really need you in my life honey. Just give me a chance and i'll promise to take care and to love you always. And i'll stay to that promise. "

When he wanted things to be the way it was, before.

" I could stay awake just to hear you breathing
Watch you smile while you are sleeping
While youre far away dreaming
I could spend my life in this sweet surrender
I could stay lost in this moment forever
Every moment spent with you is a moment I treasure
Don't want to close my eyes
I don't want to fall asleep
Cause I'd miss you baby
And I don't want to miss a thing
Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
I'd still miss you baby
And I don't want to miss a thing
Lying close to you feeling your heart beating
And I'm wondering what youre dreaming
Wondering if its me youre seeing
Then I kiss your eyes
And thank God we're together
I just want to stay with you in this moment forever
Forever and ever
Don't want to close my eyes
I don't want to fall asleep
Cause I'd miss you baby
And I don't want to miss a thing
Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
I'd still miss you baby
And I dont want to miss a thing
I don't want to miss one smile
I don't want to miss one kiss
I just want to be with you
Right here with you, just like this
I just want to hold you close
Feel your heart so close to mine
And just stay here in this moment
For all the rest of time "

When he was feeling sleeping and didn't want to hang up the phone.

Since i'm off today and i have MC for Wednesday and Thursday, i'd probably be sleeping. Cause my body needs it, shit heads [:

And to Bestf, Mudh Sadik B Abdul Rahman.
Sorry! Now you can't send me to work even though i really really want you too. [:
It's too bad i can't meet your couzin either.
I'm sorry.

2009-03-21T01:16:00.002+08:00

" Here i am , will you send me an angel "

He said i should trust him.
The thing is not about trust, its all about going through the same process we both went through before,all over again.
It doesn't matter to me if He says that chick is hot or pretty or what not.
Cause He always look me in the eyes when He says He loves me.
He constantly gives me reassuarance that he has changed.
Always trying so hard to win back my trust,love and heart again.
And i admire him for that.
For having the guts to admit his wrongs and loving me the way nobody has.
His heart belongs to me and.

2009-03-20T01:52:00.004+08:00

These are the lyrics from Our song and the song He listens to whenever we fight. He had typed these lyrics and texted them to me. I teared because i can't believe he has changed so much and changed for the better,i swear.

" Time and its time to win back your love again. I will be there , i will be there. Love only love,can bring back your love someday. Fight baby fight to win back your love again. Love only love can bring down the wall someday.Here we go again,all the way from the start. I will try to change things that kill our love. Pride has built a wall so strong that i can't get through. This cant be the end. Try baby try, to trust in my love again. You should give me a chance, this cant be the end. I'm still loving you. " - Still Loving You by Scorpions.

" She's gone, out of my life. I was wrong, im to blame. I was so untrue. I can't live without her love. In my life there is an empty space.Come back into my arms,im so alone. Im begging you. I'm down on my knees. Lady, wont you save me?My heart belongs to you. Lady can you forgive me for all i've done to you. - She's gone by Steelheart.

2009-03-18T03:26:00.003+08:00

The conversation we had at 2.30am which made my Tuesday all-so-wonderful-la.
Myself : "I love you,B."
Muhd Farid B Shahmawi : "I love you two"
Myself : *laughing*
MFBS : "Ckp i love you three la. Cepat say i love you three"
Myself : "I love you three" *laughing*
MFBS : "I love you forever la baby. Promise"

So manis.(:

E71 dead and gone [:

2009-03-17T11:45:00.002+08:00

All that was in there, GONE.
All i took from others, GONE.
I swear i loved you.
I swear i took care of you.
I swear i caught you everytime you fall.
And shit you for having done this to me.
Thanks eh, E71.
Thanks for stalling for no reason and erasing off 180 songs from my memory card.
Thanks , aku sayang kou !

2009-03-16T17:35:00.004+08:00

So, He was missing for a year or so.
Only saw a glimpse of him here and there with his girtlfriend,then.
Memories of us being together came haunting me down.
Then something Bestfriend said the other day " No matter what, we always go back to the old one"
Then Abang played a song She's Gone by Steelheart. I was dumbfounded.
The first thing that came to my mind was Him. I sat there, staring in space.
Then that very night, He texted me.
We texted eachother for less than 20mins, and he called.
Told me about his problems and i even managed to wish him a belated birthday.
He remembered everything about me.
Later that night He called again and said " U, your favourite song" and He started singing Wind Of Change by Scorpion, i teared. Since we broke up, i didn't listen to it anymore.
It was unbearable, the feelings in my heart grew even stronger.
Then He said " U, ni lagu kiter sey " and sang Still Loving You by Scorpion.
I teared up even harder.
How in the world could He remember all these stuff after 2 years of not speaking to one another.
He remember all our songs, my birthday, the day we got together, the day we broke up ,everything.
I kept telling myself this is not happening, this is not happening.
Then He said " I've always love you ".
I kept quiet, mumed and speechless.
He kept apologizing for all the wrongs he did.
For all the deeds He made.
For all the tears He made me shed.
For all the things He said and done.
He asked for a second chance and i kept mumed.
He asked for forgiveness and i kept mumed.
He asked if i've ever wanted him back and i kept mumed.
How was i to tell Him how i felt, what i had gone through.
The shites in life and dirts in hell i went through all for him.
I had loved him like i never loved another.

2009-02-26T09:40:00.001+08:00

Goodbye Tagged.
Goodbye Friendster,soon!
Blog is gonna be private soon too.
Really sorry for the inconvenience caused.

2009-02-23T14:59:00.002+08:00

Almost eveeryone at work has been a bitch. Thank God, Yoges is still his usual self.
I've gotta switch job ASAP. Jason is quitting, so is Darrick. Katherine has resigned and i'm going back to Secret Recipe [:

Since i'm blogging, i'd like to wish Kamarul Arifin a Happy Birthday in advance.
Enjoy your day tomorrow Dude. [:

2009-02-16T13:24:00.002+08:00

You there comes a time in life when you've hit rock bottom so hard, you'd wouldn't even know cause you've hit rock bottom plenty times.
This time it is no less, than the last time.
No matter how hard i try to be strong, there is always, always, someone pulling me down.
No matter how hard to fight back, i always end up getting hurt.
Sometimes, there is a point when i feel like giving uo and giving in.
Let it suck me in and destroy me internally and externally.
But i don't wanna give up just as yet.
Cause Bebehs have been there for me, especially iLa and Kama.
With the wake up calls and morning smses like "Gucc. wake up!"
Since i started working, i've found it hard to be punctual for school.
Oh, I've been debarred from SQC, have i mention it before?
Yea, i have i guess.
Even then, i am sick and tired of the daily rountine.
I want bestfriend to be beside me, but he's busy with stuff.
I want Daddy beside me, but he wants me to be independent.
I want Jack beside me, but he is beside with work.
Whenever i mention "Daddy" tears well up in my eyes.
That is how much i miss being included in family matters. HAHA!
So, people, you can basically go screw yourself real tight and let me be for the moment. [:

2009-02-15T16:22:00.002+08:00

Working yesterday just sucked.I was pretty much shagged and was told to do OT.Thank god i didn't,but both Suresh and Yoges,were pissed off and didn't want me to go home.And because of them,i reached home almost at 1am. Irritating or what. Okay,so plans to meet ex-boify was cocked up. All because his momma thought that he should be planning her valentine with her hubby instead of having dinner with me at Swensens la! You can only imagine how pissed i was. So all i got for this valentine was lots of hugs and kisses and roses and chocolates and a lovely card made by ex-boify,himself (:. So what did you get?

2009-02-13T17:12:00.000+08:00

Its Black Valentine today (:
You guys have NO idea how school was. We rocked like a rockstar(:
I didn't really wanted to go school today. Cos i was super duper tired. Thanks a million to iLa Bebeh for the wake up calls and smses (:
Ohh, its her 8th monthsary w boify, Firay! Happy 8th monthsary you two.
Okay, so school rocked because there was a concert held and a hunk and babe contest(:
Gffs were sitted together with darla Fathiah and we all screaming our lungs out literally. Haha! And also, singing together with the songs played by Firay and friends.
They rawked \m/
Ohh, we had a few laughs too, about.... Y'knw and i knw (:
There were dedication to couples as well. Rin looked freaking pretty. We sat w Dee to cheer Rin on (:
And last but not least, its Kama's 1 year anniversary (:
That is all i guess.
So ,dudes and dudette, enjoy your weekend and play safe(:
Happy Valentine to One and All

2009-02-12T18:45:00.002+08:00

I have lost my drive to get my arse to school.
I have lost my patience to be around the environment i am in.
I no longer look forward to working.
I no longer feel, think or hear any shit.
Exams are round the corner, to be exact, its next month.I have yet to start revising.
Right now, i am outside my workplace, looking at my co-mates doing work, tired and restless and i on the other hand, am sitting down, typing this shit on my handphone,E71. Hahaha! Bragging i see.

2009-02-03T10:27:00.002+08:00

Dear God,

I Need Your Guidance To Help Me Get Through The Year,

Or At least The Month.

I Need You To Shower All The Courage You Have On Me.

Show Me The Right Way And Have Mercy Please.

I Will Sacrifice My All To Have Things The Way It Was Earlier On.

I Prayed.

I Hoped.

I Cried.

I Lied.

I Fought.

I Thought.

I Gave.

& I Took.

All I Am Asking Is For You To Stand By Me.

Don't Let Me Go.

I Will Not Be Able To Survive Without You.

Catch Me When I Fall.

Cause The One Who Has Alway Catches Me Has Left.

Rise He High.

Cause The One You Assigned Me To Has Left.

Its Just You,

I Turn To For Guidance And Strength.

For Solence And Peace.

For Love And Hatred.

For All Emotions Known To All Human Beings.

I Put My Faith And Trust In You, Always And Forever.

This Is My Distress Call For You God.

2009-01-23T11:41:00.002+08:00

Weak.

Red puffy eyes.

Barely eating and sleeping.

That's been me the past 3 days.
I have not eaten anything solid that would actually digest before i puke.
All i had was porridge and that too doesn't works.I'm getting use to the idea that i'm alone in the world.I don't blame Big Alien for his actions, though those who knows about whats happening thinks its irrational.Even than, all he wants is for us to grow up, be an adult.

2009-01-22T09:23:00.002+08:00

I know you always thought i was stronger.

Using me as an example to others.

Always hoping and wishing for the best.

Always praying and holding me tight.

Always wanting me to out-do myself.

Having trust , faith and loving me.

The nights when we stayed up laughing.

The mornings we argued then i went to school, and you, to work.

All that gone in a spur.

I admit i was wrong at some point, in which you knew where i had gone wrong.

Now, you left me to fend for myself in this horrible world.

Yesterday , you said "After all i had done for you, you never thought about the hardship went through to feed you, care for you, love you and etc"

It hurt me so so bad cause i remember crying to you when the computer broke down.

I remember calling you up and crying , asking you to bring back the laptop just so i could do my project, and you did.

My life saver, life giver and everything.

You always supported me in everything i did.

Whether right or wrong.

As im typing this, im trying very hard to not let my tears flow.

My head hurts, eyes puffy and red.

Really tired and ready to give up.

Though i have a family, i am orphan.

Not that its their fault, but its mine.

If He wants me to grow up , i will.

I promise not to let him down again.

Though i failed the last time, this time i wont.

Restrictions were lifted, so.

I just hope for the best.

For The Bestest Best Friend Any One Could Ever Ask For.
Thank you for being there for me, lifting me up and cheering me up too.
Thank you for saying that you idolize me cause i stand up for myself and that i'm brave.
Thank you for telling me that it hurts you as well to see me cry.
Thank you for always wanting to cherish our friendship.
Thank you for all you've done for me till this date.
Thank you for everything Bestfriend [:

2009-01-20T10:38:00.003+08:00

Sorry For The Lack Of Updates.

Late for school for an hour.
Saving my money to pay my bills.

Aliens in the house wants fcuking free rides when im Legal. CB!

Money in the bank is __________

I get scolded everyday for no reason by Big Alien. Usually i don't complain but i can't help it.

Lack of sleep makes me ignore msges i get at night.

I spend most of my time outside than at home except on weekends.

I miss my best of bestest friend Muhd Sadik B Abdul Rahman a whole truck loads.

2009-01-14T13:22:00.004+08:00

With all the things going on around me,
I've kept most of it buried deep down inside.
When Mr Z spoke to 8 of us yesterday, he asked me personally how are things at home.
I held back for a moment before letting everything, (well, okay not everything) out.
I guess he stopped asking when he saw i was tearing up.
So.....
Anyways, it isn't a big deal.
I still got plenty of things to work on like projects and ignoring 2 assholes out there in the alien world and plenty more.
I am suppose to be at home now, but i'm still in school surfing the net to do my project.
God, please have some mercy and shower me with lots of courage , please.

2009-01-13T10:10:00.002+08:00

I don't know what your problem is but stay away from my sister
, you bitch.
Just because you're her senior doesnt mean you can pick on her
cause you got a problem with me.

2009-01-08T09:28:00.002+08:00

Apologise for not updating for a long long long time.

This year i've plan to save up my monies [: Hah!

School re-open on monday , nothing new actually.
Just more projects to do.
Two stalkers to lose [:
Spend alot of time with Girfs and Boyf.
Too much drinking and smoking.
Ex-Boyf in camp.
Girlfs' hubby wants a new wife , Haha!
Going to Ngee Ann Poly today.
Grooming session tomorrow.
BPS projects due on wednesday and the first week of Feb.
No hunks in Jan intake.
Lots of Babes with big boobs for guys [: , Hahaha!
Last but never the least, i miss my bestfreind Muhd Sadik B A R, alooooooooott!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11

2008-12-17T16:26:00.006+08:00

Why do you try so hard to make things work?
Why do you put in the extra effort when you know things will always turn around the very last minute?
Its not about whose right, or whose wrong ;
Its not about whose weaker, or whose strong ;
Its not about whose innocent, or whose fault ;
Its not really bout that kind of thing at all ;
Its not about who does it, who done it, or did it to who ;
Don't matter if the both of you lose ;
Its really not bout nothing, except for you ;
Its not about the stupid things that we say ;
We're always saying stupid things anyway ;
Its not about the secrecy or the lies ;
Everybody got a secret to hide ;
Its not about who was it, or whose creeping on who ;
If you're somebody, messed up, you take it in ;
Don't let anybody come between you, you just stay with it ;
Just hold on and be strong ;
Its not bout your pride ;
Its not bout your self ;
Its bout the two of you, and no one else ;
Its not bout the hurt ;
Its not bout the lies ;
Its not bout the crazy things that's running through your mind ;
Its bout the love that's suppose to last and never die ;
I listen to her cause i know it hurts ;
I know she has taken advantage ;
To you it may just be a mistake ;
You just don't understand ;
Until its gone by then its too late ;
How i wish i was a gold digger ;
I could have dug deeper [:

2008-12-04T09:33:00.002+08:00

My Deepest Apology For Not Updating My Blog Due to Lazyness and Partly Because My Computer Just Passed Away. Hahahaha [:

Next week is the last week of school. Yipee, Might be attached to NTUC Income again, for the whole holiday. Its okay, i guess atleast i have Neng and Maggie with me. School's okay i guess, CAs are just round the corner, kinda worried for Banking Products and Services module. But hopefully,everything will be alright.

Beybehs are enjoying the week filled with laughter. And, thanks to Sadik, yesterday's plan was cocked up [: Even then, i should have just followed Eza and Kama to Tamp instead of sleeping at home.

For A Dear Friend:
I know now is a hard time for you. Eventually, you will get over it, slowly, but you will get through this. Don't look at it as fate, look at it as he was a loser for losing out on the most wonderful person i know. It doesn't matter what peple think of you, or even some "friend" you thought ought to know you better. We all are here. To help you, to cheer you up, to make you smile like you alway do. So, look at the situation now, who's on the losing end [:
I love you babe and will always be there for you

For SomeOne Who Ought To Know This:
I don't what happened between us. Or why the sudden silence. Yesterday's message wasn't called for and i wasn't expecting you to message either. I don't know what else to expect from you, but one thing is for sure, keep all of your explaination for someone who is worth your time [:

2008-11-28T11:16:00.002+08:00

I was tagged by Zan bear to do this.
1. Each player of this game starts off with 10 weird things/habits/little known facts about yourself.
2. People who get tagged need to write a blog of their own 10 weird things/habits/little known facts as well as state this rule clearly.
3. At the end, you need to choose 10 people to be tagged and list their names.
4. No tags backs!

I bite my nails even when i can't.
I eat Kit-Kat everyday [:
I drink Satrbucks every 2 weeks [: or even more.
I cry when Shahrul teases me [:
I swolled my barbell while eating Pratahotdog.
I constantly annoy the shit out of my siblings.
I judge people by their attitude.
Little tiny insects scare the shit out of me.
I have a stalker , HAHAHAHAHA!
I have very very very sensitive neck [=

Okay, whoever wants to do this, please go ahead, by all means , Knock yourself out.

2008-11-25T10:45:00.003+08:00

HELLO ; HELLO ; HELLO [:

School is boring. Beybehs are sick of the routines. Keys is frustrated now, this very moment.
Abang Shahrul created Friendster, soon he's gonna create Facebook. [:
Will be having pizza for lunch, care to join?
The guys were playing Tai-Ti (?) in the canteen just now, Kecoh la.

Ohh, Eza did something extremely funny. Hahahahaha[:

I am sick and tried of this routine, the usually fights.
arguements about money, and everyhting. Every time the door shuts, i
hear screaming.
Like what the hell la, enough la.

And to who i may concern, pandai2 kou la entertain diri sendirik
alrite[: Taking care

2008-11-21T16:21:00.003+08:00

Last mintue we,BC, were told that we had to do a research on the banks, just about anything and everything. And were told to dress in officewear. [:

So, yea had to use office wear, Sir had his full suit on as well. Lessons were pretty short and i went slacking with Sue, Iqa , Eza and Lizah after school. Had cravings for Starbucks and messaged Kamarul, hahahaha "Alamak.Bile? Kat mane ni? Belom gaji la. Tanye slalu bile part orang belom gaji sey."
So met him at Civic around 1.50 there, sat at Starbucks, chit-chatted [: then went to CWP, saw this super duper cute guy,Eye Candy, who , if i am not mistaken, is Maggie's hotstuff friend [: And we then headed home around 3 plus. Had a small misunderstanding with him in the bus, Hahahahah, Jangan la marajok [:

And now, im here blogging and also thinking bout how im going to do my ETP project. The survey isn't finished, there's still 21 more survey to go. And also i want to eat ice kachang lahh !

AKU NAK KAT ! BOLE TAK?

2008-11-20T09:59:00.005+08:00

Nak Ice-kachang !
I nak Kat , bole ?

Yesterday was fun, had a great time with Gff from slacking to finding shoes for Kama at Tampines. Hahahaha. For the first time in my life, my cigarettes didn't last me a week. [:
And i bought a new pack this morning. Hahahaha,macam mane nak quit?

Any who, barang baik ke tak it doesn't matter. I am surprised and appalled that you even bother to read our blogs, if you know that your daily "gossips" are "hot" and "in" , do let us know when you intend the get a proper life and "whoa" us all over again for what you think is important. Hahahaha, and i have already looked myself everyday in the mirror, and i look stunningly normal, kalau lah kau faham what i mean.
Now, try a little experiment . Don't worry it will only take afew seconds of your unprecious time [:
Stand in front of the mirror and say, "I am a worthless bitch who talks about people because i think they are not worthy of anyone. I try to make them feel inferior but they always manage to stand for themselves. And that is why, i think i am worthless"
Don't change the sentence, just say it as it is. Alright. Taking care [:

Hahahaha, i give you an A plus for your artistic talent. [: Agreed that you approached us nicely, was it before of after blogging and calling names? I don't know uh, but why must we be the one to tegoh you. Kite kan "childish" , So why won't you even bother kan? Sorry uh, sister yang matured. [: BTW, words highlighted in green weren't meant for you, and this isn't covering up. Haha.

2008-11-18T10:45:00.003+08:00

Aku tak tahu ape kau nak daripade aku lah! Please la, prangai macam adek-adek uh kau.
Kau fikir ape, funfair ? Lu rilek sudah , okay !

Don't ask bout the first sentence, alrite.

Clorox pe? Hahahaha, wow. Attitude macam Paris Hilton, NOT! She spit and
you licked. How disgusting y'all. Pandai kau nak bebual pasal orang. Kau tgk
diri sendiri bole tak? Whatever you said, applys to you too. Gi mandi dgn Clorox
uh. Bodoh. Minom Clorox skali uh. Kan best, can get high. Tak salah aku, kau pon
da try kan, kan? Hahahaha, its ashame that you still think she is interested in
your Boyf. If i am not mistaken, you afraid of losing him cause you know no one
else wanna be with you. Hahahah, am i right or what. I know bout your love shit
and stuff. But, How childish can you get, like seriously.

2008-11-17T18:30:00.002+08:00

One word to describe the day i had today : IRRITATING !

Why you people might ask.
Partly is because of Shahrul's whatever attitude towards me. Hah, bagus. He was the one who said let the past be past. And look. Hahahah, aku suke skali oi! But i shall not complain, he was always there for me then and always will, i guess its time for me to toned down my ego( its not my ego actually, maybe just attitude, Haha) and be there for him and listen to whatever attitude towards me, and not cry [: Yes, im'ma strong girl , yea. *doing the W fingers*

And because it was super duper cold and because of insert-the-name.
.________."

Ohh, and to that fellow.Tak perlu nak tgk2 org macam gitu,ok. Please eh, favour
ehh, aku tak kacau kou. Kou jangan kacau aku bole tak? Bole tak?

2008-11-16T12:15:00.002+08:00

I've got a story to tell. Some may know who i am referring to, and some may not.

There was this girl, who had a lovely family. The best siblings she had and wouldn't trade it for anything else in the world. When she was in her early teens, things at home didn't work out the way it was suppose to be. Everything around her changed. Her parents fought constantly, leaving her to shoulder the responsibility on her own. Though friends at school knew what was happening, they left her smiling and laughing everyday. Tex messages would flood her inbox, all reading "How are you my dear?" "Ehh, nak kluar tak hari ni?" and etc. Finally, she got the courage to put up a brave front for her siblings. Everything went smoothly, till she graduated for Secondary school. She still misses those moments that she kept close to her heart. As she returned back to school, a whole new environment and a whole new bunch of friends to make, new teachers to see and so many unfamiliar face. At first, all she could think was "This is my first day, and i feel like im in primary all over again" But that didn't bother her as much as anything else could. She made amazing friends who clicked instantly and a whole bunch of new friends who stood by one another. They all got closer after a camp, and still remained friends. Though problems arises one after another, that didn't break her apart. What tore her apart was her family. She always thought that being dead was the only solution. So, she spend her sleepless night crying and praying that she'll die the next day. And so, she keeps on praying and wishing....

This is rather depressing right.

2008-11-13T19:37:00.001+08:00

Noor Shahrul Aidil Bin A, my bestest and closest Boyf.
The exact duplicate of my bestest Boyf, Muhd Sadik B Abdul Rahman. Seriously. Only difference between them is that Sadik has a softer heart, i think [:
Shahrul has always been the person i look forward to seeing to cheer me up whenever i am down.
The one who has always seen the positive side of life.
The one who always made me choose from the options he named.
The one that allows me to cry on his shoulder.
He was the one who made me cry, today.
He gets agitated with the smallest thing i do. I don't know why, but i am not use to seeing him this way. I blame myself for talking too much [:
But, he was really harsh. Aku merajuk dengan kau uh. Sumpah, jangan bebual dengan aku lagi uhh. Aku nak nangis lagi.
Thanks Eza for letting me cry on your shoulder. Thanks Kama for being my messenger [: Syng korg alot alot.

Yes, i am emotional today. Thank you.

[:

2008-11-12T17:46:00.003+08:00

Monday

With no plans and no intention of going home or any where else. After school ended, i followed Keys, Syz and Shahrul to Central as Shahrul wanted to do threading. [: Eza didn't come to school as she was on MC, Kama went home as she was not feeling well. [:

Tuesday

School ended super duper early at 11 [: Went to Central with Haney, Lin, Shahrul, Keys, Syz and Zul. Had lunch and then went back to school, met with Kama, called Eza and told her that we were coming over to visit her [: After that, met Kmarul and Afiq for awhile and had afew laughs then made our to Eza's house. And before going to her place, kite gi Starbucks dulu! [: Met Eza and her Sis, had few laughs. Cheered beybeh up alot and we leave around 4 plus.

Wednesday

Made plans with Farah to meet up. She called and said that she's going to her workplace with her friend first then we'll meet up. So around 1 plus, she called and said that she'll be coming to pick me up together with her friend and Abg sedare kawan die. While in the car we discussed about where to go from here, and we ended up at West Coast Park. Hahahaha ! We chilled and smoked, chilled and smoked. Left WCP around 4 plus , was suppose to meet Farah's friend, Ju ,but tak jadi. So Farah and i went back to her place, chilled, talked with Fazli, not long after Pak Tam came home. After afew mintues went down to meet Deelarh. Hahahahaha! After that, we went back to Farah's place and surfed the net. Few mintues later Cik Sophia reached home. Talked with them for awhile and made my way home after that.

I heard alot bout you. Hahaha, still the same old self. Childish la you.
Seriously. Prangai macam adek aku. Sumpah! Matair kau mane nye hotstuff ni? Bodoh nye pompuan. Kalau kou terase tu kou pey pasal [: Hahahaha!

2008-11-07T19:25:00.003+08:00

Wednesday.

Went over to Suntec to support Kamarul and Azila with Kama. Met the rest over there, Shahrul made alot of noise as Kama and i didn't take the transport there. And, i manage to drink Starbucks [: After which, the whole lot of us went to MS to eat, i made a move back to Suntec, met up with Afiq and Khai. After waiting for Kamarul, we went to LJS with Mel and Joe. Saw Juicy there, Joe went haywire , HAHAHAHA. And i think that pretty much sums it up [:

Thursday.

School ended early, since i was missing Muhd Sadik Bin Abdul Rahman a whole lots, i decided to call him and made plans to meet. Kama and Eza tagged along. Went over to CWP to meet Sadik, Amin, Aby , Zanna and of course the star, Ahmad [: Ohh, by the way, thanks Ahmad for compressing my breast ! After which, the whole lot of us went to Orchard for a pretty late lunch, Kama and Eza clicked very well with Sadik[: After lunch, Eza and Kama headed back, while the rest of us went shopping. And finally, i get to eat Fried Mars Bars! And, around 5 plus, i headed back home as my feet were killing me,literally.

Today.

Detention !
Bagus, i like [:
Other then that, my week has been superb, with Gffs and Bffs. With Best Boyfs and Best Girlfs [:
I like it [:

Yes, i understand what you are going through. I really do. And my dear,
there will be peace among us all. And, we should REALLY plan for the reunion uh,
i cannot wait [: *SMILES EAST to West*

2008-11-06T09:55:00.004+08:00

Boy,who is the one with the ego now?
I have already put down my ego because of my projects and because the rest of us and myself want to save our friendship. You knw that we have been through alot together. You and your Girlf have gone through alot also. But that doesn't give you the right to criticise people because of the way the look or their skin colour. Bangla, you say? Haha, i am sorry, but i am not a bangla. Why involve Kamarul in this? He is a friend, not my boyf,so why involve him? This is between us. What am i fighting for you ask, i am fighting for my friendship and the girl who knows everything bout me. That's what im fighting for.Resorting to violence will not help, it will only make matters worse. I don't know if you know the whole situation, but i do not talk behind my GFFs back, especially when it comes to your girlf. I say what i feel and i don't put up an act in front of her. She knows me, so she should know if my actions towards her are a pretense. By the way, we all know what she is going through and we understand, but we have to think for our GPA also, (sorry uh, we're not as clever as your girlf [:) But hopefully, we can end this without having to bite each other head off. And, i don't have to go and complain to your friend, cause he was the one who came to me , supporting you and saying that whatever you said was all due to anger. I am sorry if my ego is sky-high. But it has already be toned down. So, have yours?

Babe, we didnt bully you. But you have to understand why the pressure is on you. I am sorry if you think that otherwise, but i have tried my level best reasoning with you. I understood you then, i understand you now and i will still understand you in the future. You know that you can the us your problems, usually you'll text if you're not coming or at least past a message through your boyf. We had no idea that you intended to quit school until someone told us. And yet, you used to be the one who would tell us not to do the stupid things and think positively. Why can't you do the same for yourself. I know things between us haven't be running smoothly but you still can get through this, you got us, your boyf, the BFFs , your family and your boyf family. A girlfriend, hah, you are the girl who brought us close, and now look, how far have we drifted. As for the bitchy face, i guess if anyone one who said something about you, their faces would be bitchy to him too. But still, i hold no grudges against you or your boyf, cause i don't usually hold grudges against my gffs and the most obvious, their wonderful boyfs [:

Firay and Ila

2008-11-04T10:36:00.004+08:00

heyhey._____________ here.
thers a reason why i wanna blog today.
im
sick and tired of arseholes and bitches out ther trying to ruin my relationship
with my gf.
u bitches may post in your blog that u hate me and ___ being
together or wadsoever.
so wad if my gf sees nothing except
me?
jealous?(siak uhh nak jealous!*dats wad u bitches wud probably
say*)
its bcoz u bitches dun worth a thing. muahahaha!
some bitches even
want to slap me sey. scary!! woohoo!(black bitches nowadays)
but reality
check. can u even touch me.? haha.
black ass.
and u arseholes staring at
me. wad can u orphans do to me? haha.
beat the shit out of me?
if u guys
wanna beat me up, make sure i wont be able to stand up.
coz if i do stand
up,im gonna beat the shit out of u and ur whole family.
and trust me, u wudnt
want ur family involve in this.(they're innocent u see).
So, to all u
nicompoops out ther.
ure fcuked. ure nothing. haha
I didn't mention names,
but hopefully you knw. [:
(Copy and paste from the black bitch's
blog.)
still standing strong,
_____ and _____
[Copy and paste from that basturd's girlf blog.]

I beg to differ. Seriously uh.
Its ashame that you look down on people because of their colour skin. I know that your girlf is freakishly white. Boy, never in my life have i ever said to your girlf or anyone else that i hated you being with her. Eh hello, if you know how to look after her you can bloody hell like after your relationship ok. What are you implying? That i am ruining your relationship? Hahahaha, don't make a big joke of yourself ok. Nak jealous? Uhh, not jealous but happy for for the both of you. Y'knw that you both were named the "Efron and Hudges" couple. Even i told you that myself.
I am sorry if you can't look after your relationship uh. Yes, i did say i felt like slapping you, do you even know why? Your own friend told me not to take what you said to heart. And i didn't why should i? You said the things you did cause you were pissed off. And you , yourself said that if my friends dared to beat you up, they should. And what the hell, kou tak sayang mulut ko pe? Whatever uh, Boy. Happy blogging using your girlf account. All the best in life[:
By the way , thanks for piercing my fucking black tongue uh brother!

Fucked right back [:

2008-11-02T15:08:00.002+08:00

i want Starbucks please [:

my underpants

2008-10-31T18:13:00.003+08:00

Kama and Eza rock my underpants okay [:

Thanks Beybehs for accompanying me these past days and sticking up with my tantrums.Thanks to Weena, Maggie and Aidil too. (Y'knw why kan)
You guys rock uhh. Especially Eza for coming down to Woodlands just to go to Starbucks, hahahahah! So much for Chocolate Cream Chip, i couln't sleep the whole night, all thanks to Java Chip [:
I was suppose to go to Starbucks,again today, with Eza and Kamarul. But didn't manage to, cause Eza went to meet her Boyf and i pitied, yes i pitied, Kamarul cause he had to go for a soccer match at 3 and so we went home instead [: He was like "betul tak nak pergi,kite da kat woddlands." & i shook my head and say " Ye, betul tak nak pergi" And we both smile at each other. Hahahaha. We got down at Admiralty and chatted bout the Z&H couple and i told him how pissed i was with Z's attitude and he was listening attentively, Wow ! Hahahaha, and so i told him bout the Matrep too [:
And when we reached his block he said "If you are scared, call me" and i turned and look at him and said " If you still in Woodlands then i wouldn't mind" and we laughed.
After talking with him, i felt relieved. Relieved from everything, the stress, the expectations and everything else.
Anyways, BPS Project is done. Yes, finally. I am done with LPS logo/slogan designs.
Done with the report for LPS and almost done with the report for ETP[: Water-proof tak? *inside joke*
With one project done, another just popped up lah. Its not really a project, its roleplay and we will be graded individually, Thank God we're doing in groups but according to index number. Now, isn't that great.
And Maggie, you are lucky that i choose your group uhh. Hahahaha.
Other than that, things are starting to light up for me, i have one less problem on my hands.
Okay, i shouldn't say problem, i should say it is an issue.
Yes, for now onwards my problems will not be problems but it will be issues instead. That way, i wouldn't be stress-out[: Macam paham.

Look at how much you missed out this week.
What happen to "I don't want our
grades to suck?" Huh. No, i am not angry, i am just fed-up and i have given up.
I know i shouldn't give up so soon. But i just can't handle it.
And,
remember the times when you said that your friends didn't like you being with
your boyf?
Remember.
Listen up, its not that we don't like you being
with your boyf, its just that you don't see anything else besides your boyf.
I hate the attitude your boyf gave me the other day. Seriously, if i had it
my way, i would have slapped him.
But i thought of you.
I wouldn't want
our friendship to be hanging on one single thread, then i thought again, why the
hell should i even bother bout you and what your boyf said.
When you can't
even be bothered bout yourself and the people around you.
Even someone said
that i shouldn't take what he said to heart cause he has lost it.And i agree
with that someone.
Now, it is all up to you to do the right thing.
Whatever you think is the right thing for you. Just recover from your high
fever and take care.
Ohh one more thing,
Nothing between us will ever be
the same.

Last but not least, the group of people who wanted to break the record of having more than 11 people in the lift ended up stalling the lift [: There were, according to Derrick, 18 or more,i think.

2008-10-30T09:41:00.002+08:00

I am not my usual self nowadays, but i try hard to be strong for myself and my family. I still remember calling Irfan,cause i needed someone to talk to, but he didn't answer[: Sadik called and hung up after 2 mintues of talking, hahahaha [: Still, i tried to be strong. I do not have enough sleep and i'm sick and tired of the things happening around me. The environment, the people, my "friends" , just everyone.

And you, i give up. i do not wanna talk about you anymore. I had it !
Enough is enough. Things are getting from bad to worse and i can't take it any
longer. I am sorry that i am a bad friend. I am sorry that this friendship between us
sucks !

Y'knw who you are

2008-10-28T10:47:00.004+08:00

Babe.
You have problems.
I understand that. When the matter arises of you forcing yourself to come
to school is a farce.
You don't put in the effort. The effort to come to school, the effort to
realise that us,Gffs, are always here for you. I have problems of my own too.
You know what they are. I don't hide my problems from my Gffs and Bffs cause i
want them to know. Not because i want sympathy,but because i want them all to
understand if i don't reply or answer to their smses and calls. And also
because, i easily changed my mood when i think bout this things. I know, that
you are a strong girl. Strong for yourself and friends,even strong for your boyf.
But girl, you still have other things to focus on. Yes, we try to make you
smile, make you forget your pain and stuff. I am sorry if what we all
are doing for isn't good enough to make you forget the problems you are going
through.
Lastly, i am sorry that i blogged bout this. Cause i find it easier to let
you read this than for me to say it to your face, which i know the both of us
will break down. I am sorry, but i have had it already. I am sorry once again
Babe.
I didn't mention names, but hopefully you knw. [:

end.

2008-10-24T16:59:00.003+08:00

I never thought of things the way its happening now.

But thanks to Gffs and Bffs for being there. Thanks Shahrul for the "Lek lu rilek" talk [: Much appreciated and sorry for giving you a hard time today. Thanks Ila beybeh for finally coming to school. I don't know why i'm going on a "Thank you" spree and with that i should end by saying thanks to my friends who think that Kamarul is my boyf. Pfft!

I've got alot of projects to work on,to be precise i've got 3, but it still is plenty k.

And so, i shall start now [:

[:

2008-10-22T18:10:00.002+08:00

No, i am not angry.
I'm just pissed off.
Understand.

Anyways, school is a bummer. Seriously. Project after project. I hardly have time for myself. Hahahah, shitness.
Ohh, boy this semester modules , theory and projects are no child's play. Its study, study,study. Project, project, project. Work, work,work [:
School ended early today, went to Beach Road with Kamarul,Afiq Jonas and Khai. Thanks guys for the laughter and sorry that i left when you guys were eating [: Y'knw why kan, Kamarul.

I've finally realise, the more i get to know you.
The more i get irritated with you.
The harder i try understanding you,
the more you try to make me feel inferior.
Why ehh?
Prangai takmo nak step boleh tak?
We're all friends eh.
Terase eh terase kau.

a plea of a young girl.

2008-10-21T19:22:00.003+08:00

Does it even matter to anyone when relationship in any form doesn't hold a value anymore?
When it all falls apart, and the elders are suppose to make it right.
What will happen now when everything is,

Ruined.
Everything is ruined.
Every relationship made or formed is ruined.
Right from my enemies to friends,closest friends,Gffs,Bffs,Bestest
boyf,Bestest girlf,relatives and families, all Ruined.
Failure.
Everything is a failure.
Every relationship is a Failure.
Farce.
Everything is a farce.
Every relationship is a Farce.
Pretense.
Everything is just a pretense.
Every relationship is based on Pretension.

Even my smile and laughter is a Pretense.
I am sorry, i can no longer be the strong one.
Cause i am weak.
Weaker than anyone else you know.
So much for "That's my little girl"
I am sorry, i've let you down for the last time.

Living with integrity means:
Not settling for less than what you know you
deserve in your relationships.
Asking for what you want and need from
others.
Speaking your truth, even though it might create conflict or
tension.
Behaving in ways that are in harmony with your personal values.
Making choices based on what you believe, and not what others believe.

sm

2008-10-20T18:56:00.003+08:00

i feel __________

Eh,hello. So much for "thanks, you spoiled
everything"
Now, exactly what did i
spoil?
Umm, your relationship,perphaps?
What the hell does my
feelings or sayings has to do with your
relationship?
Don't you dare say
i spoiled everything,okay.
Did i spoil you?
Did i spoil your shirt?
Did i spoil your hair, shoe,pants,family,friends,girlfriend?
Tell me
what i spoiled if you seriously got the balls!
You dig?
By the way, do
you even know what SM means?
And my dear boyy, there isn't a need for you to
type in your email.
Cause now, you spoiled everything [:
No one knew who
i was talking bout.
So, WOW !

Falling

2008-10-18T11:47:00.002+08:00

How can I say;
Say I'll be okay.
If I fall through these days that go by without cause
Just a painful mistake has left me here on my own
And if I fall through these nights I can't seem to go on
Just a sign that you're with me gives me the strength to hold on
Now that the lines been broken
I'm too afraid to just look back
The pages have left an empty space
You were all I had
Why does it have to be this way
These things they'll never change
Still I'm left with knowing, content and happy, this is all I need...
Say goodbye to Mr.Falling [:

Kamarul

2008-10-17T16:31:00.005+08:00

Firstly, Ila beybeh you know what i know that the rest don't know. Hahahah, you understand?
Okay.
I was almost late for school today, but this time its not Kamarul's fault. Hahahaha, he reached school even before i could. Tak fair kan. It doesn't matter la. Anyways , today we just received our Entrepreneurship project. Baik kepe. Banking and Product Services project has yet to be done and i have another project to do. Bagus,aku suke. Today , school sucks cause we did not have a break time, it was a self-proclaim break that we all took.
Hahahahaha, Kamarul ended school early and waited for me. First we deposited his cheque at Central and train-ed back to Admiralty. Went to Woodland Mart cause i wanted to eat ice-kachang and he was a gentleman to accompany me and not go for his soccer,haha.After which he asked me to accompany him to meet his friend (not a gentleman already,hahaha) , while crossing the over head bridge i saw Pakcik (Farah's Daddy) , chit-chat awhile Pakcik kept looking at Kamarul and said "Matair ehh, nak gi mane tu?" And i said that he was just a friend and Pakcik gave me the aku-tak-percaye-kau look. Hahahaha,what lah dey. Then, we exchanged regards, said our goodbyes and walked off to Admiralty station.
After meeting Kamarul's friend we made our way back, this time he didnt want to take the over head bridge cause he was malu that he didn't salam Pakcik -.-"
So we took the longer route home and damn was it hot.
End, hahahahahaha.

Jangan nak step-power uh sister.
Relax and take a chill pill.
I,too,didn't want to add you after knowing
that some asshole deleted you
off my friend's list.
But,
heyheyheyhey(familiar kan, copyright by Dee), i was
cleaning
someone else's shit.
I do not enjoy adding people up again in friendster when i already did
once.
Technically speaking, i am a very nice and friendly person.
I love my friends, besides you know Ihsan.
You can ask him as he has been my friend since Sec 1.
So please eh.
And listen here, i was your boyfriend friend but not anymore.
I tried being one after all the shit that has happened, i teared the night
when he called and i said i didn't want this friendship,after the things we've
been through.
Thank God, i don't regret my decision, easier said.
You need not act
like some stuck up bitch when you know you are not one.
I thought, again i say i thought, that you might be a nice lady.
But no, just like your boyfriend.
You make me eat my words.
I am sorry if this post hurts you.
I have said what i wanted too.
And now, you have a nice and wonderful day and life ahead.
Take care uh babe [:

P/S ;Aku sumpah aku rindu PSP !
Prem(hotstuff) , Saiful and Prem (shitstuff) [:
Pee ass ;Aku sumpah aku rindu Nirah Bella and Chayana !
Pee back at your ass; i am falling [:

shamsuri

2008-10-16T20:09:00.005+08:00

Thanks eh Kamarul. Hahahah, i was late because he choose to take a longer time to get ready for school. Instead of being a gentleman and pick me from my block, he told me to pick him from his block. Hahahaha. Thanks ehh.
Ohh, as for school, i'm lovin' it. Cause there's gonna be a N1 reunion lah sey. Yay-ness.
It's alright if we have to plan it ourselves. It's ok pe. This time Joan and Kama better ikot. Hahahaha.
As for the new modules, theory and projects. That's all. My head can explode.
Ok, yes, i am exaggerating. But hey, put yourself in my shoes, then smell it [: Heh

Stop trying hard to make things right, when you know its beyond your
control.
Stop trying so hard to make things look alright , when deep down
you know it isn't.
Don't call me at 1am in the morning.
Just by smiling
doesn't make the hatred i have for you get any lesser.
It just makes me
wanna hate you more and more.
This hatred keeps increasing each time i see
you,
each time i hear your name,
each time someone says SM,
each
time anything or anyone reminds me of you.
I just hate you so much, that i
can't express it nor will you ever know how it feels.
It was trust that i
put in you twice , and you betrayed it, TWICE!
Even if you said, i wasn't
the only one. There wasn't a need for you to say there were others.
I felt
like i was a trash-can. No, seriously i did.
I am proud of myself and
ashamed at the same time.
Proud because i didn't let myself drown in my
emotions.
Ashamed because i didn't see the warnings of what you have done or
become.
I should have just heeded Eza's advice when she said "He's not what he appears to be"
I gave you a
benefit of a doubt. Thinking that i could prove her wrong, well i thought i did,
until you make me eat my words.
You make my blood boil.
And please,
DELETE MY NUMBER from your contacts. Please.
That is the very least i ask
from you.
Thank you.

School [:

2008-10-15T16:56:00.005+08:00

October 13th. Happy Birthday Kama syng. [:

October 15th. Happy Birthday Boncet ku. I hope you'll text me bout what happened between you and her. [:

Yes, after 1 whole month of working at NTUC Income, its back to school. The first day of school was just superb. With new modules, i just hope i'll do much better than the last semester [:

School ended pretty early today, and i'm loving it. Went home with Afiq Jonas,his friend and Kamarul. Boarded the train with Kamarul and we were talking when something odd happened. Hahahaha, Ila Beybeh know what happened as we were in the same train together with Firay. There was a small "Arguement" not really a arguement uh, but something like that between 2 boys. And they both just happen to be arguing at where Kamarul and i are seated. Ila was laughing and so was Firay . HAHAHAHA. Boy number 1 was shouting like as though Boy number 2 was deaf. Hahaha, just imagine. Then Boy number 2 alighted and afew mintues later Boy number 1 created another scence. Just similiar to the one before. Hahahaha. Shitness.

There's lots of things to be done and that's why i have to cancel my plans with Bucket,for slacking and Secondary School mates,for Rayeing. I'm grateful that Rifai and Sadik understood why i couldn't tag along. You guys rock my world lah. Serious shit.

Oh my, i need to do my research now.

Readers, do head down to http://www.cgs.sg/vote.php and vote
for a friend uh, not me but my friend. Kamarul and Azila Z [:

Birthday

2008-10-12T12:29:00.004+08:00

Yesterday we celebrated Dad's birthday, though the timing wasn't right. Everyone seemed to be happy. Especially Dad. Jack and i decided to get Dad an ice-cream cake from Swensens and we did. I had to pay for half of it and so did Jack. We had KFC for Dinner and that too, i paid for. I spend a huge amount on Dad's birthday [: And , i ain't complaining. I love my Dad, okay. Even if i had to spend $600 on something[s] Dad wanted, i would [: I actually got mixed up with Dad's age and lit 32 candles instead of 42. HAHAHA, how could i not remember my Dad's age la sey. But OK, i did remember and had to make an re-entry. HAHAHA. Okay.

School re-opens tomorrow. So it means that i have to iron my uniform,if i can find it, and wake up early in the morning just to get to school on time and not later. Pfft! When is school ever gonna start at 12? At least i don't have to get up earlier. HAHAHA, Okay. Gucci pemalas ye. Well, i am looking forward to this semester though. I hope it'll be much easier this time round.
Ohh , wells. Let's all just hope the it'll be manageable.

Ohhhhhhhhh, my blog turns 2-years-old today !